Lumpia

I think the thing I hate most about lumpia is that fact that there is so much pride behind this simple, and rather bland, less-than-spectacular 'egg-roll'. Lumpia comes in many variations, and I've sampled my fair share. I've had it from restaurants, at my in-laws, and at literally every gathering of Filipino people I've ever been to, from communions to graduations to Christmas dinner to American Thanksgiving. No matter what the occasion, there always seems to be a huge pile of lumpia near by. What I'm describing, is the version known as lumpia 'Shanghai' - the style that I most often come across and have grown to despise.

My major problem with lumpia is that unlike that fat Chinese American egg-rolls I grew up on, lumpia tends to be very skinny. You basically end up with this long, narrow fried stick that has so little filling, you absolutely have to dip it in some sort of sauce or soak it in garlic/vinegar to give it some sort of flavor - other than of the oil used to fry it. Because it's usually cooked in such large quantities and usually hours (and sometimes even days and weeks) before consumption - it tends to be served in a soggy, room-temperature condition...often with a little freezer burn.

I think it's hilarious how every Auntie seems to think that only she knows how to make good lumpia - and that all others are inedible. In my opinion, all lumpia is stale and gross. Vietnamese goi cuon and the also-fried-but-much-lighter Thai version of spring rolls are far superior in flavor and freshness, and I much rather snack on those then the awful Filipino fried tubes of crap called lumpia.

The only reason non-Filipino people tend to chow them down so readily and pretend to like them so much when at a Filipino party is because they're not as horrendous as some of the other offerings we'll be discussing in future postings.