Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Sunday, July 4, 2010
My major problem with lumpia is that unlike that fat Chinese American egg-rolls I grew up on, lumpia tends to be very skinny. You basically end up with this long, narrow fried stick that has so little filling, you absolutely have to dip it in some sort of sauce or soak it in garlic/vinegar to give it some sort of flavor - other than of the oil used to fry it. Because it's usually cooked in such large quantities and usually hours (and sometimes even days and weeks) before consumption - it tends to be served in a soggy, room-temperature condition...often with a little freezer burn.
I think it's hilarious how every Auntie seems to think that only she knows how to make good lumpia - and that all others are inedible. In my opinion, all lumpia is stale and gross. Vietnamese goi cuon and the also-fried-but-much-lighter Thai version of spring rolls are far superior in flavor and freshness, and I much rather snack on those then the awful Filipino fried tubes of crap called lumpia.
The only reason non-Filipino people tend to chow them down so readily and pretend to like them so much when at a Filipino party is because they're not as horrendous as some of the other offerings we'll be discussing in future postings.
I'm going to start this new project off by saying what every white person says before they are about to say something painfully racist:
"I'm not racists or anything but...."
...but Filipino food sucks! I have dated a couple Filipinas in my lifetime. Hell, I even married an American woman of Filipino descent. I spent a month of my life traveling around and living in the Philippines with her, and have been to countless barbecues and parties at her various Uncles and Aunties' houses over the years. For many of those years I pretended that I enjoyed Filipino cuisine...but I think I'm finally ready to admit that in actuality, I despise it.
And it's not that I don't enjoy ethnic foods. In fact, I am quite the 'foodie'. I enjoy Persian, Lebanese, Italian, Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Korean, German, French, Caribbean, Peruvian, Brazilian, Argentinean, Moroccan, Ethiopian...I could go on all night. And it's not that I'm squeamish about eating things that are 'strange' to your average, boring American. I have eaten raw beef, guinea pig, embryonic duck egg, frog legs, cow heart, foie gras, schmaltz, crickets, tongue, bone marrow, veal brain, boiled silk worms, pig lung, live octopus, and many other pieces of animals that may or may not sound appetizing.
My point is that I enjoy food and I'm not afraid to try new things and I gave Filipino food an honest chance. And while more often than I'd like to admit I have pretended to enjoy it and declared my "love of lumpia" or my "passion for pancit" - the truth is I hate most of it - and this Blog will serve as an outlet for my disdain.
Welcome to my latest culinary creation, "Filipino Food Sucks".